This article discusses suicide and suicidal thoughts. Please look after yourself while reading and step away if you need to. Details of where to find support are included at the end.
World Suicide Prevention Day takes place on 10th September each year. It is a day to remember those who have lost their lives, acknowledge the people and families affected by suicide, and think about what each of us can do to help.
Suicide is not an easy subject to talk about. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, making matters worse or opening a conversation they do not feel equipped to handle. But avoiding the subject can leave someone feeling even more alone.
You do not need to be a mental health professional to check in with somebody. You simply need to notice, ask and listen.
If you are worried about someone
There is no single sign that tells us somebody is having suicidal thoughts. A person may become withdrawn, seem unusually anxious or low, talk about feeling hopeless or describe themselves as a burden. Their sleep, behaviour or use of alcohol or drugs may change. Sometimes there may be no obvious signs at all.
The most important thing is to trust your instincts. If something does not feel right, it is OK to ask.
Choose a quiet moment and begin with what you have noticed:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. How are things?”
“You’ve had a lot going on. How are you coping with it all?”
“I’m worried about you. Do you want to talk?”
If you are concerned that someone may be thinking about suicide, you can ask directly:
“Are you having thoughts about suicide?”
It can feel uncomfortable to use such direct words, but asking about suicide does not put the idea into somebody’s head. It can give them permission to speak honestly about what they are experiencing. Samaritans explains more about this common myth surrounding suicide.
Listen without trying to fix everything
When someone shares something painful, our natural reaction can be to look for a solution or reassure them that things will get better. Although well meant, phrases such as “try to stay positive” or “you have so much to live for” may make it harder for the person to explain how they really feel.
Try to listen without judgement or interruption. Give them time, take what they say seriously and avoid comparing their experience with somebody else’s.
You might say:
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I’m really sorry things feel this difficult.”
“You don’t have to manage this on your own.”
“What would help you feel safer right now?”
You are not expected to have all the answers. Your role is not to solve everything in one conversation, but to stay present and help the person connect with further support.
Help them take the next step
If someone tells you they are experiencing suicidal thoughts, encourage them to speak to their GP, mental health team or another appropriate support service. You could offer to sit with them while they make a call, help them arrange an appointment or contact someone they trust.
Ask what has helped them through difficult periods before. If they already have a crisis or safety plan, encourage them to use it. You can also find information about creating a safety plan through the NHS guidance on help for suicidal thoughts.
Do not promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret. If you believe somebody is in immediate danger, call 999 or take them to A&E. Their safety must come first, even if they are unhappy about you involving somebody else.
It is also important to check in again. A message the next day or later in the week can remind someone that the conversation was not a one-off and that they have not been forgotten.
If you are struggling yourself
If you are having suicidal thoughts, you may feel as though there is no way through what is happening. However difficult it feels to begin, please tell somebody. You do not have to explain everything at once. You could simply say:
“I don’t feel safe on my own.”
“I’m having thoughts that are frightening me.”
“I need some help to get through today.”
Try to move away from anything you could use to hurt yourself and go somewhere you feel safer. If possible, stay with another person or ask them to remain with you. Focus on getting through the immediate moment rather than trying to resolve every problem at once.
Needing urgent help is not wasting anybody’s time.
Support is available
If you or somebody else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
For urgent mental health support in England, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. You can call for yourself or on behalf of somebody else. Visit the NHS urgent mental health support page for further information.
Samaritans: Call 116 123 free, 24 hours a day, or visit Samaritans.
Shout: Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential, 24-hour text support.
You can also find local and national contact details on our Crisis Advice and Urgent Help page.
At Darlington Mind, we provide a range of mental health and wellbeing services for people across Darlington, Hambleton, Richmondshire and South Durham. We are not an emergency service, but our team can provide information about our services and help you understand what support may be available.
Call us on 01325 283169, email [email protected] or explore our services and support page.
This World Suicide Prevention Day, we are asking people not to look away from difficult conversations. Checking in will not solve everything, but listening carefully, taking somebody seriously and helping them find support can make an important difference.